July 1st 2009
Our Crumbling Civilization – Biscuit Holes
O
C-based Carl’s Jr. was founded by an outstanding gentleman, a devout Catholic and patriotic American, Carl Karcher. He sold the company late in his life and all the good, wholesomeness he put into his advertising campaigns disappeared, replaced with Paris Hilton making love to a hamburger and similar tawdry and sleazy campaigns designed to appeal to their target market: sex-obsessed, hormone-drenched nitwits.
That was then. It’s gotten worse. Carl’s Jr. and its co-brand, Hardee’s, have just introduced donut holes on their breakfast menu – a nasty looking product of fried, cinnamon-sprinkled bread globs with a sugar and chemical dipping sauce that looks to be made of 100% artery plaque.
OK, so that should be fairly simple to advertise without offending the multitudes and crumbling the civilization. But what fun would that be?
In the first TV spot, the announcer says Hardee’s is announcing its new product, “Biscuit Holes,” and asks passers-by, who look like normal people but are really gutter-dwellers for hire, what they think the product should be named. Cover the kids’ eyes; here come some of their responses: Goodie Balls, Hole Munchers, Puffy Nuts, Melting Holes.
Not content to let that pass by without some one-upsmanship, the announcer cleverly holds up two of the balls side by side and asks the last taster, “What about ‘Bistecles?’”
Not appalling enough? There’s always TV spot #2, where the announcer has conventional donut holes and Carl’s/Hardee’s Biscuit Holes on a little table, the donut holes marked “A” and the Biscuit Holes marked “B.” He asks another group of sex-obsessed sell-outs which they prefer. You guessed it:
“The B hole has it over the A hole.” “The A hole seems kind of small.” “The A hole tastes nasty.”
These are not commercials that play on late-night pay-per-view soft porn channels. They are designed for every day, all day TV – the kind families watch together and kids watch alone. The TV we watch after church on Sunday.
One Million Dads has set up an auto-letter you can use to send a protest letter to the company’s president, Andrew Puzder. I suggest you click here and fire one off. And, come to think of it, you might want to offer him a name or two of your own. Like sleazeballs.
