Archive for the 'Humor' Category

March 17th 2009

NoKo: Back Off, Or We’ll Starve Ourselves!

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orever daft – that’s Li’l Kim’s Pyongyang follies for you.  Ever the creative genius, the pint-sized tin-pot always can be counted on for another demonstration of his uncanny skill in the challenging task of running a bizarrocratic state.  Kinda like this:

Chronically hungry North Korea has refused further US food aid, the State Department and aid groups said Wednesday, as a showdown mounts over a feared missile test by the communist state. (AFP)

We promised the NoKos 500,000 metric tons of food because the Commies have mastered the fine art of making crops not grow, and in return L’il Kim agreed to act half-human, something he was able to do for about a day and a half before announcing that he was preparing to launch the world’s first peasant-fat-fueled rocket.  His plan:  launch what the U.S. military termed, quotes and all, a “satellite”.

We protested, saying, first, that the satellite was just a cover for a ballistic missile NoKo plans to really launch, trying to beat their earlier record by not blowing up for at least 41 seconds, and second, that NoKo was lying because the starvation-nation has no known supplies of peasant fat.

Or something like that.  The saga continues …

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March 12th 2009

One Journo, Taxed To The Max

I normally wouldn’t forward on a story about high-powered pleasure toys because I know my readers aren’t the least bit interested in gratuitous sex on the internet, but like the man who just reads Playboy, I’m going to send this one on simply because the reporter, NBC’s Matthew Stabley, had a nearly impossible job to pass this story on within the bounds of decency.

For reasons that will become obvious, this post is illustrated merely with a photo of an inert, unadorned saber saw.

Woman Injured in Power Tool Sex Toy Encounter

LEXINGTON PARK, Md. — Some sexual experimentation landed a southern Maryland woman in a hospital with injuries tough to imagine and even more difficult to forget.

Maryland State Police airlifted the 27-year-old woman to Prince George’s County Hospital Center early Sunday morning after she was injured in an incident involving a sex toy attached to a saber saw blade, TheBayNet.com first reported.

The man who called 911 about the incident admitted attaching the sex toy to the saw and then using the high-powered, homemade device on his partner, according to the St. Mary’s County Sheriff’s Office.

So far, so good … or so bad, depending on your morality and the idea of the practices being undertaken. Now Stabley gets to the particularly … er … sensitive part of the story:

The saw cut through the plastic toy and wounded the woman, according to TheBayNet.com. The injuries were severe enough for medevac, but the woman was released from the hospital Monday and is recovering from her unusual injuries.

Wince. Ouch. But, oh, such a careful, careful exercise in word choice.

The story wraps up with someone from the sheriff’s office saying the woman reported the behavior was consensual so no crime had occurred – other than giving everybody a serious case of the heebie-jeebies.

Hat-tip: Jim (Because I never search out this kind of stuff!)

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March 7th 2009

Jesus And The Democrat

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got this from Don Surber, who always has a wealth of good reading on this blog. Where’d he get it from? Who knows? It’s just one of those viral things … and hey, I’ve heard Jesus can cure virals.

A Republican in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, ‘Is that Jesus sitting over there?’

The waitress nodded ‘yes,’ so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

The next patron to come in was a Libertarian with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea.

He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, ‘Is that Jesus over there?’

The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, ‘My treat.’

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, ‘Hey there, honey! How’s about gettin’ me a cold glass of Miller Light?’ He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, ‘Is that God’s boy over there?’

The waitress once more nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold glass of beer. ‘On my bill,’ he said.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, ‘For your kindness, you are healed.’ The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus also passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, ‘For your kindness, you are healed.’ The Libertarian felt his back straightening up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.

Then Jesus walked towards the Democrat. The Democrat jumped up and yelled, ‘Don’t touch me. I’m collecting disability.’

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February 18th 2009

Eight Terrifying Holes

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his is the Great Blue Hole off the coast of Belize, one of the eight most terrifying holes in the world, as compiled by Doug Ross.  Yeah, yeah, it looks pretty as can be, but can you imagine how creepy it would be to swim across it?

Check out the entire list.   You’ll be amazed by #8 – really, really, really terrifying!

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February 15th 2009

Sunday Scan – 2/15/2009

Porkasaurus Summary

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here is still hope – students in Boulder, Colorado aggressively turned back a proposal to rename their high school Barack Obama High. But pore through the 1,000+ pages of the stimulus spending bill, and a sense of hopelessness becomes overwhelming.

As a small business owner, I see nothing in Obama’s largess to help me, even though we all know that small business s the primary job generator.   I don’t want a government handout, but …

The government’s economic stimulus plan doesn’t include many provisions that directly benefit small businesses, but economists say those companies are more likely to find a cure for their financial ills closer to home _ with their own customers.

The plan does extend two provisions of 2008′s economic stimulus bill that allow small businesses to take a bigger upfront deduction for the cost of new equipment. But companies whose sales are hurting may be reluctant to make big expenditures, putting those tax breaks out of reach. (source)

We’re trying to shed leased equipment; we’re hardly in the market to buy it.  So it’s a zero there.  Then let’s look into what a bill purportedly about economic stimulus does for that scandal-plagued friend of Obama, ACORN:

The total amount of money for which groups like ACORN would be eligible in the bill is $4.2 billion, under a provision for “neighborhood stabilization activities.”  According to the bill, the money can be utilized by state and local governments and also “nonprofit entities or consortia of nonprofit entities.”

ACORN can possibly collect more money under this legislation that it has over the past 15 years, and you can bet that ACORN is expert at accessing those funds. (source)

And as I’ve written previously, the spending bill is the official kick-off for universal health care, quoting Bloomberg:

Tragically, no one from either party is objecting to the health provisions slipped in without discussion. These provisions reflect the handiwork of Tom Daschle, until recently the nominee to head the Health and Human Services Department.

Gun owners are concerned that the health care provisions of the stimulus bill will be used against gun owners:

But of even greater concern to gun owners is the fact that a government-coordinated database (which government can freely access) will now contain all records of government-provided and private psychiatric treatment -– including, in particular, the drugs which were prescribed. (source)

The green industry – which employs relatively few and offers products that are not popular – loves the bill …

“I think what we’re seeing in the final bill is the best of the House bill combined with the best of the Senate bill (and) provides a strong boost for renewable energy, and solar in particular,” said SEIA President Rhone Resch. (source)

… but the housing and auto industries, which absolutely must get back on their feet if we are to get out of the recession, isn’t:

Instead of reducing the rampant non-stimulus spending in the bill, House-Senate negotiators …Cut $35.5 billion in tax incentives to boost the housing industry and encourage Americans to buy homes. The Senate bill included a provision to give Americans a $15,000 tax credit to purchase a new home, but negotiators reduced the credit to $8,000, only allowed it for first-time homeowners, and limited the relief to purchases made by this August.

[Negotiators also] cut $8.5 billion in tax incentives to boost auto sales and put Americans back to work. The Senate bill included a provision to allow Americans to deduct from their income taxes both the sales tax from a new car purchase and the interest on the auto loan. Negotiators eliminated the loan interest write-off – the bulk of the incentive – and instead allowed the sales tax deduction to remain. What was a $1,500 tax benefit was slashed to about a $300 benefit, not really enough to encourage someone to buy a new vehicle. (source)

And all this crazy, useless misspending is happening when the nation’s deficit in 2008 was a mind-numbing $455 billion.  No; check that – it was $5.1 trillion before Porkasaurus, because the budget should be figured on an accrual basis to compensate for known future payments, not on a cash basis, which ignores little things like future Social Security payments. Continue Reading »

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January 30th 2009

Zombie Alert!

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ncredible Daughter #3 dared me to blog about this, so I’m taking up the dare. And what the heck, who wouldn’t blog about zombies being spotted in Texas? An no, my Leftist readers, there is no connection between this incident and the recent return of our former president to the Lone Star state.

He’s in Houston or Crawford; this was in Austin.

But … where … is … Rove?

AUSTIN (KXAN) – Austin drivers making their morning commute were in for a surprise when two road signs on a busy stretch of road were taken over by hackers. The signs near the intersection of Lamar and Martin Luther King boulevards usually warn drivers about upcoming construction, but Monday morning they warned of “zombies ahead.”

“I thought it was pretty funny,” said University of Texas sophomore Jane Shin, who saw the signs while driving down Lamar Bouelvard with friends Sunday night. “We wondered who did it.”

The City of Austin does not own the signs, but they are responsible for the message. The contractor on the construction project owns the signs. A city spokesperson said the hacked messages were only up for a few hours, until the construction project manager saw them during his morning commute and immediately ordered them to be changed back.

The bureaucrats were not amused, noting that highway-sign hacking is a misdemeanor in Texas because it could endanger the public. But not as much as zombies wandering around.

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January 30th 2009

Coincidence?

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‘m not conspiracy theorist (except for that “Great Left Wing” thing), but you can’t just read stuff like this and wonder if maybe there isn’t something cloak-and-dagger going on here:

Obama Hosts Labor Leaders

Labor leaders were to visit the White House for a second consecutive day Friday, where, a union official said …

And:

Obama Baby Bump Watch Begins

Apparently, [Michelle Obama] pregnancy rumors have been circulating the last few days in Washington and PerezHilton has broadcast it nationwide with a post titled “White House Baby????”

I’m just sayin’.  9/11 Truthers Whack-Jobs have done more with less.

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January 21st 2009

Almost Funny

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gnore the Stars of David and this is a very funny piece of Photoshop art – politicians laughing their butts off that the American public would go for the idea that change would ever really happen in Washington.

But the Stars of David on Lieberman’s and Obama’s ties and Obama’s lapel pin make it just more pro-Palestinian, pro-terror, anti-democracy in the Middle East, anti-Israel leftist spittle.  David Dees does some quite fantastic political satire illustrations, but he is oh, so wrong on Israel.

Too bad, because it is one heck of a fine piece of Photoshopping.

hat-tip: Incredible Daughter #1

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January 16th 2009

Sarah Palin’s Big Romance

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ust when you were starting to really miss Sarah Palin … I know you were, don’t fake it! … The Week has published the results of its Sarah Palin writing contest.

Don’t click away!  The contest didn’t call for essays on heavy policy stuff like foreign policy with a view of Russia or liberal elitism meets real America; no, the contest is much more interesting: Write the first paragraph of a romance novel starring the diva of the frozen north.

Francey Potter of Arizona (so far, far removed from Alaska!) penned the third-place entry:

She came from the land to the north, a cold, rugged, wild land, not unlike Scotland, his ancestral home. The moment Mac spied her he knew, without a second of hesitation, that he had to have her. With her tousled, upswept hair and her radiant smile, she would be his perfect mate. He also knew, deep down in that dark and secret place within him, that their journey together would be heartbreakingly brief, and that for him, the end would not be good.

For so-so second place and the truly terrific first place entry, click through to The Week.

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January 4th 2009

Sunday Scan – A New Year Edition

See Ya, Smuggler’s Gulch

I got a real kick out of seeing this picture in this morning’s LA Times. It shows the border fence on the U.S./Mexican border, apparently looking east-to-west as the fence snakes through Smuggler’s Gulch. Here’s the LAT:

Reporting from San Diego — Smuggler’s Gulch lived up to its infamous name.

For a century, the narrow canyon leading into California from Mexico provided cover for cattle thieves and opium dealers, bandits and booze runners. More recently, it has hidden thousands of illegal immigrants on their journey north, sealing its place in border lore.

Now, it’s a fading memory.

The canyon has been all but wiped off the landscape, its steep walls carved into gentle slopes, its depths filled with 35,000 truckloads of dirt as the federal government nears completion of an extensive border reinforcement project at the southwesternmost point of the United States.

Environmentalists, including California’s notorious Coastal Commission, fought the fence, citing all sorts of environmental chaos that surely would follow, saying it “will harm the Tijuana River estuary, threaten endangered species and destroy culturally sensitive Native American sites.”  As the photo shows, there’s an environmental point to be made here – but it’s a limited one.  The very dense cities of Tijuana and San Deigo create a much more impervious barrier to species migration than this puny wall.

In the end, the Bush admin. had to just override all this and push the fence forward. Now that Smuggler’s Gulch has been bulldozed into oblivion, I’m in accord with former Border Patrol agent Donald McDermott who told the LAT:

Good riddance.  Anything that makes it easier to control the border is a good thing. Continue Reading »

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With Obama winning the presidency by seven percent, we can't blame the media. Their laudatory coverage and refusal to extensively probe into Obama's background and [lack of] experience was at best responsible for five percent of his vote, the pundits tell us. Here is a compilation of over 100 significant instances of pro-Obama/anti-McCain bias during the 2008 campaign.

For all 'Media Bias 2008' – Click Here