Archive for the 'Humor' Category

December 1st 2008

Quote Of The Day: God’s Hand Edition

“God must have been with them, ’cause any other time, the severity of this crash, it would have been a fatal.” - Bexar County TX Sheriff’s Office spokesman Kyle Coleman

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hen asked to explain whatever possessed him to ram his pickup at a speed in excess of 100 mph into the car of the woman driving ahead of him, the driver had a simple answer for the police:  God told him to do it because the woman wasn’t driving right.

God apparently didn’t care to address whether the gentleman’s action should be considered to be “driving right” or not.

Amazingly, both cars spun in the median and came to a stop without entering oncoming lanes. Neither driver was injured, leading to the sheriff’s spokesman’s quote that God just might have been involved in this mess.

And not at all amazingly in this world that no longer sees prophets (or profits, for that matter), a psychiatric evaluation has been ordered for the pickup truck driver.

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November 29th 2008

Tracking Down The Perfect Christmas Gift

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y friend and long-time client Don is a woodworker who makes beautiful furniture, so he has an abiding fondness for tools. That’s why he’s so excited about that $100,000 bag of tools left drifting in space by NASA astronaut Heide Stefanyshyn-Piper. If he can just get his hands on it … but how to track it?

Welcome to Live Real Time Satellite Tracking, which has conveniently added the tool bag to the satellites it’s tracking:

Fire up the interceptors! And while you’re tracking the toolbox, you can supplement your data inputs with guidance from friendly terrestrial aides, like this clip of the toolbox drifting by, captured by amateur telescope junky, Kevin Fetter of Ontario.

Did I say “drifting?” “Ripping” is more like it. This baby’s going to be hard to catch!

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November 21st 2008

GOP Revenge

I just got this email from my friend Jim; it’s probably making the rounds, but I’ll pass it along because it drew big laughs around the office:

Democracy in Action

You know what would really upset the Democrats…

Bush should resign now.

Then Dick Cheney becomes President (that would really tick off the libs) …

Then Cheney appoints Condoleeza Rice as VP.

Then Cheney resigns two weeks later and Condoleeza Rice, a Republican, becomes the first BLACK WOMAN President!!!

Heh.

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November 21st 2008

Quote Of The Day: Rah! Rah! Boom! Edition

If a foreign enemy attacks the United States during the Harvard-Yale game any time over the next four years, we’re screwed. - David Brooks

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avid Brooks writes today of the Obama valedictocracy (rule by those who graduated first in their high school class):

Jan. 20, 2009, will be a historic day. Barack Obama (Columbia, Harvard Law) will take the oath of office as his wife, Michelle (Princeton, Harvard Law), looks on proudly. Nearby, his foreign policy advisers will stand beaming, including perhaps Hillary Clinton (Wellesley, Yale Law), Jim Steinberg (Harvard, Yale Law) and Susan Rice (Stanford, Oxford D. Phil.).

The domestic policy team will be there, too, including Jason Furman (Harvard, Harvard Ph.D.), Austan Goolsbee (Yale, M.I.T. Ph.D.), Blair Levin (Yale, Yale Law), Peter Orszag (Princeton, London School of Economics Ph.D.) and, of course, the White House Counsel Greg Craig (Harvard, Yale Law).

This piece is a hoot; a serial killing with a keyboard of any citizens who hang onto the idea that Obama is anything but an elitist:

Already the culture of the Obama administration is coming into focus. Its members are twice as smart as the poor reporters who have to cover them, three times if you include the columnists. They typically served in the Clinton administration and then, like Cincinnatus, retreated to the comforts of private life — that is, if Cincinnatus had worked at Goldman Sachs, Williams & Connolly or the Brookings Institution. So many of them send their kids to Georgetown Day School, the posh leftish private school in D.C. that they’ll be able to hold White House staff meetings in the carpool line.

Read it all here.

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November 6th 2008

A Sign Of Intelligence In San Francisco?

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ure, 84% of San Franciscans voted for Obama, and 71% thought Pelosi was doing a fine job.  Not surprisingly, 76% were ready to abandon thousands of years of tradition so gays could marry.  But even so, there were signs of intelligence deep down the SF ballot.

Most significantly, a measure to re-name the city’s Oceanside Water Treatment Plant - you know, the crap-cleaner - after Pres. Bush was overwhelmingly rejected, with almost 70% voting that’s no way to treat a president.  The White House declined comment, but I’m sure they were flushed with enthusiasm.

Also, Babylon by the Bay voters decided by a 57/43 margin that legalizing prostitution probably was not a hot idea.  It looks like being a “sex worker” is still not a mainstream occupation, even in San Francisco.

Still, I think I’ll stay down here in OC … and start gathering signatures to rename our wastewater plant after Gavin Newsome.  I bet I could get more than 30% of OC behind that!

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November 4th 2008

Obama Wins: Here’s His First Act As President

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October 31st 2008

Erica Jong Pushes Riot Meme

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rica Jong - remember her? - has added her voice to the shrill chorus predicting, and by predicting, promoting, riots in the streets if the American democratic process were to result in someone other than Obama getting elected.

Her interview with an Italian rag, Corriere della Sera, was picked up and translated by blogger Il Foglio, and it’s choice:

“If Obama loses it will spark the second American Civil War. Blood will run in the streets, believe me. And it’s not a coincidence that President Bush recalled soldiers from Iraq for Dick Cheney to lead against American citizens in the streets.”

Apparently Jong is militarily ignorant, like the rest of the celebrity left.  We won’t need troops from Iraq; we’ve got more than enough troops and National Guard (and civilian militia) handy to put down any  insurrection by revolutionary Obama supporters.  What is it with these people?  They holler for troop withdrawals and go into paranoid conniptions when troops are withdrawn.  Positively scary.

But they’re so darn pathetic:

“My friends Ken Follett and Susan Cheever are extremely worried. Naomi Wolf calls me every day. Yesterday, Jane Fonda sent me an email to tell me that she cried all night and can’t cure her ailing back for all the stress that has reduces her to a bundle of nerves.”

“My back is also suffering from spasms, so much so that I had to see an acupuncturist and get prescriptions for Valium.”

Oh, poor baby.  Somebody give them a government hand … a nice strong one to massage all the tension out of their boo-hoo ailing backs.

Of course the assumption they all make is that the GOP will somehow steal the election.

Hey, Erica!  Ever heard of ACORN?

hat-tip: The Observer and Jim

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October 30th 2008

Hey, Barack! Spread The Wealth!

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oor, poor John McCain!  He relied on the federal government for his campaign funds, just like he promised he would, and now he’s suffering through abject poverty, unable to feed his poor, hungry campaign with a stead flow of nice, nutritious campaign ads.

Rich, rich Barack Obama!  Unlike McCain (and counter to his own promise), he shunned the government hand-out (or is that hand-up?) and entrepreneurally set out to raise his money on his own. 

And the money he’s raised!  Thanks to a free internet (remember that please, Barack), an extremely free market approach to credit card approvals and a junk food diet of endless ads asking for more bucks like a televangelist, he’s raised hundreds of millions. Lots of it even legal.

So, Barack, isn’t this a perfect opportunity to show us what you mean by saying that it’s good for everyone to spread the wealth around?  How about giving a quarter of your money - no make that 39.6% of your money - to John?

Lickitysplit, please. Time’s awastin’.

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October 26th 2008

Sunday Scan - 10/26/08

Mysteries Of Evolution

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ere’s a story that might give Darwin pause:

Amoebas glide toward their prey with the help of a protein switch that controls a molecular compass, biologists at the University of California, San Diego have discovered.

Their finding, recently detailed in the journal Current Biology, is important because the same molecular switch is shared by humans and other vertebrates to help immune cells locate the sites of infections.

The amoeba Dictyostelium finds bacteria by scent and moves toward its meal by assembling a molecular motor on its leading edge. The active form of a protein called Ras sets off a cascade of signals to start up that motor, but what controlled Ras was unknown.

Amoeba have a sense of smell? They know how to build a molecular motor? Darwin certainly never suspected a single-cell critter could have all that!

It requires more faith to believe such a complex system can evolve out of the primordial mud than it takes to believe the amoeba is part of God’s design.

Continue reading “Sunday Scan - 10/26/08″

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October 24th 2008

Cocaine Back In Obama’s Campaign?

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hen I saw this headline, I have to admit that I thought Obama had decided to be up-front with a sympathetic media about his cocaine use:

Exclusive: Obama Explains Why His Campaign will Wait for Toot

If you gotta have it, you gotta have it, and nothing else matters, right?

While I remembered “toot” is old slang for coke, I’d forgotten that it is also Obama’s nickname for his grandmother, who’s ailing in Hawaii.

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With Obama winning the presidency by seven percent, we can't blame the media. Their laudatory coverage and refusal to extensively probe into Obama's background and [lack of] experience was at best responsible for five percent of his vote, the pundits tell us. Here is a compilation of over 100 significant instances of pro-Obama/anti-McCain bias during the 2008 campaign.

For all 'Media Bias 2008' – Click Here